What Happens in The Room
by punnylove
Summary: The Room is a place where enemies play poker and secrets are revealed. Chapter 3 Up: What Veronica doesn't know...isn't much, it turns out. Guest appearance: Jackie!
1. The Trials of Justin Smith

Reviews more than welcome. Up next: **The Tongue Thing  
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><p><strong>The Trials of Justin Smith<strong>

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><p><em>Somewhere between the o'niner zip code and the less wealthy areas, the penthouses and ghetto apartments, the white-picket fences and graffiti—there's a school named Neptune High. By day, the place is full of drama, students, teachers, and whoever else decides to drop in. It's the epitome of everything Neptune stands for. The lines are clearly drawn.<em>

_After four o'clock, however, when everyone—except, occasionally, a certain blonde vixen with pixie-like features and a penchant for trouble—is gone, and even Lucky has stumbled back to wherever the poor fellow sleeps, a certain room within Neptune High is opened._

_Few know about The Room, and those who enjoy its charms take special care in making sure things stay that way. Janitors, homeless men, and even a couple nosy students have disappeared after stumbling upon Neptune High's little secret. It's surprising how many people are willing to vanish for a bit of money, a new identity, and/or several years shaved off through the miracles of plastic surgery. And those who aren't usually cave in when faced with the wrath of the less reputable frequenters of The Room._

_All those who frequent The Room have asked, at one point or another, who the owner of The Room was. Who paid the bills and kept things so hush-hush? They were all treated to the same shrug, the same indifferent stare or smooth switch of topic by two bartenders._

_No one asked more then once._

_How did one get into the room? Well, no one ever truly got in, and no one ever truly knew how the person sitting next to him managed to score his ticket. Things generally stopped making sense within The Room—as one video-game loving freshman is about to find out._

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Justin Smith wasn't exactly sure where he was, or why he was there, or even what he had been thinking when he decided to take a midnight stroll. All he knew was that one moment he was on his front porch feeling like a rebel for finally sneaking out, and the next he was blinking inside what looked to be a private bar.

_Wait, since when does Neptune High have an underground pub?_

Suddenly, Justin stumbled as a big hand shoved him to the side. "Move it squirt," the big man growled as he stalked past, "You're blocking the door." Justin watched as he pushed his way to the bar and barked out an order, gruff voice indecipherable among the chatter.

"Don't mind Mr. Fitzpatrick," a busty woman in her fifties smiled at him, "He's always a bit grumpy when he comes in. Welcome to The Room, honey."

"The Room?" Justin asked, voice cracking. He coughed and tried again. "Where's that, exactly?"

"I'm Thelma," the woman said, seemingly not hearing his question, "Why don't you have a seat with some of these fine young gentlemen." She ushered him to a booth and gave him a motherly smile. "I'll be right along with some hot chocolate, sweetie, you just sit tight and I'll be right back."

Justin nodded as Thelma walked away, and then looked up to find himself staring at a muscled biker with a beer bottle in his left hand and a rosary tattooed on his right. _Oh, God. _

"S-sorry," he said, and then wish he hadn't, because now the guy was actually _looking _at him and Justin really was too young to die, "U-uh, I'll j-just be going now."

The biker shrugged. "You don't have to. It's The Room. Sit if you like." He didn't smile, but he didn't give Justin the death glare he'd been expecting either. "I'm Mildew."

"Mildew?"

"Yeah. My mama didn't have time to get to a hospital and the first thing she saw when I popped out was the dew on the grass of whatever o'niner lawn she'd been mowing."

"Oh." Justin wasn't sure what to say to that, but Mildew didn't seem offended. Thelma returned with the hot chocolate, lined blue eyes smiling as she handed them two cups. "Thank you," Justin said, and was surprised when Mildew did the same.

"So, what's your name?" Mildew asked. Justin, who'd just realized that heaven really could be contained in a Styrofoam cup, choked. Mildew waited, calmly sipping his own drink, as Justin tried not to choke on his own spit. "J-justin," he finally managed, "Justin Smith."

"Smith, huh?" Mildew looked thoughtful, "So, what are you doing here, Justin Smith?"

"I don't know. I just—found myself at the door." Justin didn't know what he was expecting, but the nod Mildew gave definitely wasn't it.

"Yeah, found myself here one day too. Didn't know how the hell I managed to get from the beach to a High School, but never regretted it. It's nice here. Peaceful. Things don't get out of hand." Mildew's voice was wistful, which Justin found unnerving. Was he really sitting here drinking hot chocolate with a biker?

"So," Mildew continued, "Heard you got yourself a website." The contemplative mood he'd been in vanished, and a dangerous gleam was in his eye. Justin swallowed hard, taking another sip of his hot chocolate.

"Uh, yeah. Me and my friends, we started it, you know, for kicks." He tried to shrug it off, but the look on Mildew's face told him they weren't finished. "It rates girls," he added lamely, "From one to ten. One being barely human and ten being absolutely pants-dropping gorgeous."

"Yeah, I know how it works," Mildew said, "Been on it a couple times myself. Had a few—_suggestions _to make." His smile disappeared. "Maya Gonzalez a four? Do you want to die, punk?"

Justin suddenly found himself seriously contemplating that question. Did he want to die? His brain was screaming _noooo_ but his mouth seemed to have different opinions. "Should she be lower?" His heart shrieked as Mildew's jaws clamped shut, but his mouth continued to betray him. "She's too skinny," it babbled, "And her hair's always a mess." _She's also a diehard cat fan, which is kind of creepy in a senior._

Mildew's face was getting purple. "_What_ did you say?" Justin couldn't help but notice the rosary on his hand had just disappeared as the biker ground his fist into his other hand. _Great, Justin, lay your head on the chopping block, why don't you?_

He shrank back. "I said, whatever you want, man. No problem. I'll have it fixed tonight."

Mildew gave a brisk nod. "Good. She's my girl, and I won't have some punk kid's website making her feel like she's not the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I'll do it as soon as I get home. I'll go home right now."

"Better do that." Mildew gave a smile that didn't make Justin feel an ounce better, "And while you're at it, Weevil wants me to tell you that giving a girl a mix CD isn't going to do you any favors, and to be careful where you step when it comes to that girl in particular." He clapped Justin on the back with a friendly chuckle. "Consider yourself warned. Now scram."

Justin scrambled to his feet and made for the door. Just when he thought he was going to make it, someone tapped his shoulder, and he whirled, hoping with all his heart it wasn't the leader of the PCHers himself.

It wasn't.

"Hi, there, freshie," Logan Echolls gave him a smile that made his stomach clench and his armpits start sweating, "Guess what? You're not going to say anything about this place. In fact, you're not even going to remember this place, got it? In fact, you'd do good to forget the last couple days."

Justin nodded and fled, not slowing down until he reached the cool breeze of the midnight air.

Eli "Weevil" Navarro chuckled as he heard the outside door slam. "You didn't have to make the kid pee his pants, Thelma probably drugged his drink. Kid won't know what hit him when he wakes up the next morning passed out somewhere on his first night away from mommy dearest with no idea where he's been."

"And people say I'm the cruel one," Logan sighed as he turned back to the poker game, "No one suspects the sweet giver of hot chocolate. I'll raise you twenty bucks. All in."


	2. The Tongue Thing

_Obviously AU. Warning: This chapter is heavy T/light M for naughty words, so be careful, oh innocent readers._

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><p><strong>The Tongue Thing<strong>

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><p>Wallace Fennel has been in some strange situations—especially since meeting a certain P.I.—but out of all of them, this one definitely takes the cake. He'd laugh, or pinch himself, or get the hell out of there, but above being Veronica's best friend and the good boy he knows he is—he's a guy. And what red-blooded, straight male would give up getting the scoop on the most renowned girl in the history of Neptune High?<p>

"So are the rumors true?" Felix was asking, "She really that mind-blowing?"

"Oh, she blows more than your mind," Logan mused. The o'niner had an empty can of beer in his hand and another laying at his feet, which probably explained the looseness of his tongue, "Lily was a _beast _in bed."

Wallace flinched, half expecting Weevil to leap at him—hey, he had ears, and putting together everything Veronica half-tells him and the rumors floating around school isn't exactly rocket science—but the PCHer just took a swig of the beer he'd snatched from the nearby cooler and nodded in reluctant agreement. "Chica was completely loca. She was into _everything_. Bondage, role-playing, whatever. Wanted to see if I'd be up for a threesome once, right before we broke up."

"Yeah, she brought that up with me too, but said something about 'complications,'" Logan shot Duncan accusatory look, "Apparently someone got in the way."

Duncan Kane, who'd remained surprisingly calm throughout the conversation, choked. In between coughing his guts out and glaring at Logan, he managed to catch his breath. "Veronica was my _girlfriend_."

Wallace nearly had a heart attack, right there. "What?" he asked, trying to keep the x-rated images out of his head, "Veronica? Veronica Mars?"

"You sound surprised, Fennel," Logan smirked, "What, don't think she'd be up for it?" He stretched lazily, "Throw me another beer."

Wallace complied. "Are we talking about the same Veronica Mars? You know, rebel boots and spiked hair? The one with the taser and pitbull?"

"That's right, you're new." Logan took a swig and smirked, "We call her the ice queen to piss her off, but Veronica's a real babe when she wants to be." He rolled his eyes as Duncan made another choking sound, "Stop playing the saint, Kane. It was you're sister that corrupted her."

_Oh, I really didn't need to hear that._ Wallace felt his stomach turn over as the implications of that phrase swamped his head. He really hoped he'd be able to look his best friend in the eye the next day.

"Really?" Weevil sounded interested, "This I gotta hear."

Logan shrugged. "She walked into our classroom in a pink sweater and golden curls, looking like an angel. Then, during recess, she kicked everyone's ass at soccer and Lilly got interested. And, as always, what Lilly wanted, Lilly got."

Duncan muttered what sounded like a "_you've got that right_" under his breath, but Logan just smirked at him. "You can shut up, loverboy. First time you laid eyes on Lilly's new best friend, you were just as eager to make her part of our group." He threw up his hand in a mock imitation, "Hey, Veronica, come sit with us! Yeah, we'd _love _to have you over! Veronica, come to my birthday party so I can finally get my first kiss!"

"Shut up, man!" Duncan flushed, "Besides, it was totally worth it."

"Say what?" Wallace's ears perked up, "I thought you said she was all innocent Barbie."

Logan sighed happily, which Wallace found disturbing. Then, Logan turned and smiled sloppily at Wallace, which disconcerted him more than the sigh had. "Ah, Wally. Poor innocent Wally. Ready to hear one of the most well-kept secrets at Neptune High?" he lowered his voice dramatically, "Veronica Mars is a—wait for it—_very _good kisser. We're talking monumental here. _Talent_."

"All naturál," Duncan agreed, "No practice."

"I thought Lilly taught it to her," Logan confided, leaning forward confidingly, "But Lilly always claims credit when she does things_. Especially_ naughty things." He smirked, "Anyway, on with the story of how Lilly corrupted Veronica."

"Wait, I want to hear more about Blondie's smackin' skills," Felix complained, "How come I never heard of this—"

He stopped with a yell as Weevil smacked him over the head. "Shut up, Toombs."

Something in his tone apparently caught Logan's attention, because while Wallace and Duncan were snickering, he turned his eyes on the biker. Weevil stared back defiantly, and Logan's mouth fell open. "No way. _What _the hell, man. First Lilly, and now Veronica? What's with you making out with all my girlfriends?"

Duncan choked for the third time, and if Wallace hadn't been so enraptured by the scene taking place before him over the best friend he apparently _didn't _know as well as he thought, he would have been worried. "Wait," the Kane heir sputtered, "When was this?"

"If you're asking if I was the appetizer to one of you entrées, then I'll kick your ass," Weevil said, "She wasn't dating any of you when she planted one on me. 'Sides, it was all business."

"Sure," Logan said, "Of course it was."

Weevil shot him a glare. "We were _acting_, rich boy. V got herself in a tight spot in some bar and called me in for backup. Some drunk dickhead was all over her and she didn't want to make a scene."

Logan snorted. "When has Veronica ever worried about raising hell?"

"He was some rich guy she needed to pump for information or some shit," Weevil explained, "So she tells him I'm her boyfriend. Drunk bastard tells her to prove it, and next thing I know, she lays one on me."

"Why the hell did she call you?" Logan demanded.

Weevil smirked. "Maybe she thought you weren't man enough to do the job right."

"Or maybe it was a poor-as-shit cholo bar and she knew you'd blend right in."

Weevil growled. "You're going to regret that—" and then Thelma's perfume washed over them.

"Trouble, boys?" she asked, placing hands on plump hips, "Because you know we can't have that here. I'm afraid that if you don't behave yourselves, I'll have to ask you to leave. The boss doesn't like fights." She pursed her lips, "My, my, my, and you're such big, handsome lads too. I would just hate to revoke your memberships."

"We're fine, Ma'am," Wallace supplied, flashing her his best good-boy smile, "Just exercising our vocal chords."

"Well, aren't you the sweet one," Thelma pinched his cheek, "I'll go get you something to eat." She walked away, Wallace grinned, "You can thank me in cash. I don't take credit."

Duncan snorted, "If you remember this place tomorrow, then we'll talk."

"He'll remember," Logan said glumly, "Thelma likes him. You could her melting at his choir-boy pheromones," he turned to Weevil, "So, did you fall in love when she did that tongue thing, _a_migo?"

"No, but I seem to recall _you_ did."

"And I seem to recall that you're a bit of a liar when it comes to talking about my girlfriends."

"Wait, wait, wait," Felix interjected, "I'm confused. You're back together with Blondie again?"

"He's not," Wallace supplied as Logan shot the PCHer a dirty look, "She's with some older, foreign guy. I can never remember his name, but Veronica's always talking about him with Jackie when we try to hang out. Deputy something-or-other."

"Leo D'Amato."

Wallace's jaw dropped as Weevil, Logan, and Duncan simultaneously flushed and refused to meet his eyes, "Really, guys? In _unison?_ I'm not even going to pretend that's not creepy," he said, "How—"

"He asked to sit in her section at the hut," Duncan said, "Every time. For the last month."

"Got arrested and saw a picture of them on the good deputy's desk," Weevil shrugged, "V proved me innocent a couple hours later. Usually, it takes forever for them to finally admit that I'm not guilty, but D'Amato just let me walk right out. Caught a glimpse of blond at his desk before I left."

"I caught them making out after school," Logan grumbled, "It was like watching a pedo-porn movie. The guy has to be at least thirty."

"Twenty-five," Wallace said, realization dawning, "She asked me to buy a cake a couple weeks ago." His face fell, "I guess I can stop hoping for that surprise party."

Just then, Thelma returned. "Did someone mention cake?" she asked, setting the double-layered chocolate cake down, "You boys need a little fattening up." She winked and walked away, "Enjoy!"

Wallace's mouth watered as the rich, creamy smell met his nose. "If you guys ain't touching it—"

"It might be drugged," Duncan pointed out, "We might wake up tomorrow thinking we spent the night drinking our asses off on the beach or at some party."

"Yeah."

"Probably."

"She did seem pissed that we were yelling."

Wallace hesitated. "So, just to be clear, we're all going to eat this cake, right?"

It was simultaneous. Five boys picked up the forks Thelma had thoughtfully provided and took a bite. They didn't remember much after that.

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><p><em>For those readers who are dying to know, the cake was drugged, but not with the memory-wipe that poor Justin Smith went through—just something to knock them all out so they can get home without making too much of a scene. All these boys will remember The Room and make appearances again. Reviews are welcome!<em>


	3. What Veronica Doesn't Know

_So. And update. More Weevil, Wallace, and Felix, with a special appearance from Jackie._

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><p><strong>What Veronica Doesn't Know<strong>

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><p>"So…Veronica doesn't know about his place?"<p>

"Nope."

"Are you sure? I swear, girl's got fingers in places that ain't nobody's business."

"You'd know, wouldn't you, cholo?"

"Shut up, Felix. That's racist."

"Not if I'm Mexican. It's only racist if some blonde bitch says it."

"Ok, _that _was racist. Wallace, when you said you had a special night planned, I didn't think you meant hanging out with your—_friends_." A pointed glare.

Weevil grinned. "I like your girlfriend, _Wallace_. She's got spunk. Janette, was it?"

"Jackie." Jackie switched her glare to him, "I've heard things about you."

"From our favorite blonde-haired P.I., I'm sure you have," the big ex-PCH leader drawled, "Which brings me back to the topic of tonight. Are you sure she doesn't know about this place."

"Positive." Wallace stretched, working out the soreness in his neck. Jackie helped him, digging her thumbs into his shoulderblades. Wallace moaned. "Oh, that's good, baby."

"I hope that's not what you say in bed," Felix snarked, "Last time I checked, that's her line." He jerked a thumb, then withered under Jackie's hot glare. "Sorry."

"Better be," Jackie snapped, "Wallace, next time we hang out with your friends, make sure it's the decent ones."

"Yes, ma'am," Wallace said, then pouted as the massaging hands were removed and Jackie huffed. "Just kidding, babe. Love you." When that didn't get the hands back, he glanced at her face. _Shit. _She wasn't happy. He could tell by the almost visible smoke emerging from her ears.

"So," Weevil broke the silence, "Not that your lack-of-conversation is awkward, but really, Fennel. How do you know that Veronica doesn't know about this—" he paused, apparently unable to come up with a name for the place. "—lovely establishment?"

"Better question," Wallace settled back in his seat, "Why do you want to know?"

If he'd been expecting a guilty twitch, or a confession of some sort, he was disappointed. Weevil merely shrugged. "Well, seeing that your lady friend and yourself aren't exactly the best at, well, _talking _to each other, I thought I'd help you out. V's always an interestin' topic."

"Yeah, about that," Jackie inserted, "Where is Veronica, anyway? I thought she was meeting us here."

Wallace shrugged. "That's how I knew she didn't know about this place. I told her to meet us at 'The Room.'"

There was a silence. Then, Felix started laughing. "You're a moron, dude. You really think she's going to think of this place just by saying 'The Room?'" He slapped one knee, "You're a bigger idiot than the dude who married Kardashian!"

Wallace gave him a wounded glare. "Listen, maybe you don't understand, but Veronica and I have this thing—"

"Hey, I have to agree with my boy there," Weevil said, chuckling, "Even with your whole BFF telepathic thing, there's no _way_ V's going to know this is what you meant. She's probably at some other 'Room,' pissed as hell and ready to collect your balls when you show up tomorrow."

Wallace went white, but Jackie rolled her eyes. "You guys are being overdramatic," she told them. "I've seen Veronica angry, and she really isn't that bad."

The boys exchanged glances. Wallace placed a gentle hand on his girlfriend's shoulder. "Jackie," he said, "I love you. But some threats you really don't understand. Veronica's angry is Veronica trying to control her temper, or, worst case-scenario, completely aware that she's losing control. Veronica _pissed_, on the other hand—"

"Transforms her into a fireball of pixie-blonde scariness." Felix finished, "She broke my bike. With her fist. It was _awesome._ Totally freaky, but awesome." He whistled, "Take that much power, aim it at your jewels—man, doesn't look good."

Wallace shivered. "It was good knowing you guys."

Jackie rolled her eyes for what was probably the fifth time that night, and counting. She placed a hand protectively over his crotch. "Don't worry, baby," she crooned, "I'll protect you. I like your balls."

Weevil and Felix exchanged a look of disgust as the couple kissed. And kept kissing. When Jackie started moaning as Wallace demonstrated exactly why she liked that part of his physique, Weevil grabbed a gawking Felix and pulled him away.

Thelma watched them go, then eyed the couple in Booth 2. "Young love," she sighed, "How adorable."

Outside, Felix glanced at Weevil. "So, you really think blondie doesn't know about this place?"

Weevil snorted. "Not a chance. She's probably got it wired. Or connections with the boss. Or something."

Far away, Veronica Mars grinned as she sat in her room, listening in on their conversation through the chip she'd placed in Felix's biker gloves three months back. "They know me so well," she thought smugly, "It's almost gratifying."


End file.
